Everyone has a story. And while my story’s definitely had its ups and downs – I’m grateful for it all. Because it’s led me here. It’s led me to you and other women like you who’ve lost touch with their voices. Who’ve lost touch with their power and gave up their dreams after years fulfilling everyone else’s expectations. It’s hard to know who you are when all you crave is connection and love. But when we learn to love ourselves, we make it that much easier for those we love to love us freely and wholly.
My story began in the underprivileged streets of Newark, New Jersey. Both from Venezuela, my parents – illegal at the time – constantly worried about deportation. From a young age, I felt the very real fear of my parents being taken away from me – of being abandoned. My parents tried their best, but a lot fell through the cracks – including me. I craved my mother and father’s love, but as hard as I tried they remained emotionally unavailable, breeding a host of insecurities that would take years to unpack and heal.
From insecurities about my weight to my worth, I felt the need to be whatever was needed of me. Maybe you can relate? When all you want is to be loved, you’ll do whatever you think your loved ones want of you. And usually, that isn’t enough. It’s not that my parents didn’t love me – they did. But they were dealing with their own scars that never healed. And really, it’s not about being good enough for them – it’s about being able to love yourself. Because when we love ourselves, we give those around us permission to love themselves – for all the pain and beauty their one-of-a-kind spirit has endured.
But it would still be a while before I learned that lesson. I wasn’t done being put through the ringer yet. At age 6 I was molested by not one but by two distant cousins of our family. As I got older I considered telling my parents but never found the courage. Part of me thought what happened was somehow normal, and instead of facing myself — I turned to the bottle, a heavy drinker by 15. At 20 I met the father of my child and it was smooth sailing from there! Not really. That’s what the fairytales would have us believe though, right?
And the first two years were like that fairytale we all dream of! That is, before the unhealed wounds from our dysfunctional childhoods kicked in and reality hit. At 26 I broke down. I couldn’t take it anymore – the yelling, the fighting – I tried so hard to be exactly what he wanted, but ended up pushing him away. And while I could blame my partner, it wasn’t just him. It takes two to tango. My unresolved insecurities needed constant validation from him, making it impossible for him to love me.
I looked up everything I could about how to heal a broken heart. I researched the power of the mind and learned about tapping into the godliness within each of us. I realized I had chosen this life. And if I wanted a different life for myself, no one would hand it to me. For the first time, I really understood what it meant to be accountable for your own happiness.
First thing I did was read Louise Hay, “You Can Heal Your Life” and learned about Ho’oponopono, an old Hawaiian practice of forgiveness that helps us correct past actions through mental cleansing. My world was rocked. I dove in further and in expanding my understanding of my souls’ hardships and hopes, I grew in love for myself. I decided I wanted to pursue my heart’s calling and help people like me fall in love with everything they are and create the life of their dreams.
In 2016, I was blessed with the birth of my son Anthony. My love grew alongside him and between 2017 and 2018 I took several Heal Your Life Workshops, becoming certified by the Integrative Wellness Academy and as a You Can Heal Your Life Workshop Leader and Coach.
And here we are. For the past few years I’ve lived out my dream of helping women like me and you see just how beautiful and amazing you are. I help women fall in love with everything they are and hold themselves accountable for their own growth. And it’s truly been amazing to watch my clients embrace their warrior spirit, heal themselves, and manifest the life of their dreams.
I’m thrilled and humbled to be a part of your journey and look forward to meeting you.
Vanessa Montes 💖🙏